Size does matter
by Rinnegan no Ozil
Summary: The male members of Team 7 overhear a conversation that will alter their lives forever. Crack!fic. Please R&R.


**Size does matter:**

 **Summary:** The male members of Team 7 overhear a conversation that will alter their lives forever.

 **Disclaimer:** "I own Naruto and all its characters," said Masashi Kishimoto.

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 **(Konoha- Hot Springs)**

"Don't you dare make a sound, dobe."

Naruto would have huffed had he been in a different situation. He knew Sasuke was right. Any sound that he made could lead to instant death for them. Sai looked at this exchange with a keen interest. He was still learning about this weird bond that Naruto shared with Sasuke. "I'm telling you, Sasuke," the blonde whispered. "Sakura-chan is definitely falling for me. You will find out soon."

Sasuke smirked at the blonde and turned his attention back where it was; the female partition of the Hot Springs. Yes, they were actually spying on the girls. Their lack of girlfriend had garnered many rumors that questioned their sexuality. To prove everyone else wrong, the male members of team 7 were out scouting for the 'possible candidates.'

They could barely make out the silhouettes of Ino, Sakura, and Hinata in the Hot springs. The girls were submerged in the water, facing away from them. Leaning in close, the guys tried to listen to their conversation. This was the only way they were going to find out who had a crush on whom.

"…I swear it was amazing," Ino's chirped in. Sakura and Hinata nodded in agreement. As if inspired by divine intervention, Ino faced them and asked, "So what size is the perfect one for you both?" Sakura could have sworn that she had heard the distinct sound of Naruto's gasp. However, she ignored her instincts. It could not be true. Not with the type of rumors that were going around now a days.

The guys were listening to the conversation with rapt attention now. This could make things much easier.

"I'll go first," Ino said. "Five inches; yep, that is my ideal size. Any bigger and it hurts my stomach." Sakura nodded. "No wonder you can maintain that physique. Though, I think this may be a bit too small." Ino just crossed her arms. "To each their own," she said and went silent.

One the other side of the hot spring, Sai smiled that creepy smile of his. "Well, what do you know! No wonder I thought of her as gorgeous. I think I will be going now. Need to prepare for my date tonight." Saying this, the former Root ANBU shunshined away. "Well, at least someone is gonna get some tonight," Naruto whispered. Sasuke nodded to the blonde.

Sakura went next. "My perfect size is…." She stopped for the dramatic effect. Naruto and Sasuke were both listening to her statement with their breaths held. This could be a game changer. _'I hope she likes it big,'_ Naruto thought.

"…. Seven inches." Ino's eye rows rose. Hinata, too, held a shocked expression. "Forehead, did I just hear that right? I mean, wow. How do you do it?" Sakura smirked. "Practice, practice, and did I mention practice. Only a seven incher can make me feel filled up." Hinata blushed at the double meaning behind those words. Ino's surprised expression did not waver a bit.

"Damn! I lost out by a single inch. What about you Sasuke?" Looking at the wide smirk on the raven-haired Uchiha's face, Naruto feared the worst. His fears were justified. "It seems Sakura's childhood crush on me was justified." Naruto's face fell. Well, some things were just bound to happen all the time. Fate must have been having a laugh at the blonde right now. And to rub salt into his wounds Sasuke too left, wanting to prepare for his 'date' with a certain pinkette medic.

Naruto just stayed there. It felt to him like the crush of his childhood had rejected him. He could finally feel the pain of Ero-Sennin, having been rejected by the love of his life as well. _'Maybe I should turn into a hermit as well.'_ The different scenarios were going through his mind when he caught a snippet of the remaining conversation. His eyes widened in shock as a smile crept on his face. _'Maybe there is still hope for me after all.'_

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 **(Konoha- Evening)**

The three couples made their way through the market district. Several eye brows rose as the guys of team 7 were accompanied by some of the hottest females in all of Konoha. The yaoi fangirls could not believe their eyes. Tears cascaded down their faces in waterfall proportions as their dreams were crushed.

The females accompanying the guys had expressions ranging from sparkles in the eyes, to smugness, to the deepest blush.

' _Can't believe Sai actually asked me out.'_

' _Yeah, baby! Sasuke and I were made for each other.'_

' _N-Naruto-kun actually asked me out. I'm so happy.'_

"Guys, any idea where we should go?" Naruto asked. Sai did not reply while Sasuke only shrugged. They turned to the girls and they all nodded at each other. "Let's go to Subway!"

"Eh?" Naruto inquired.

"It recently opened a branch in Konoha, Naruto-kun." Ino cut in. "Their five incher Veggie delite is the best."

Sakura snorted. "Speak for yourself, Ino pig. Nothing can beat their seven incher Black Forest ham." Ino just made a disgusted face.

"I like their eight incher Chicken Teriyaki sandwich," Hinata added.

While they were having this conversation, they missed the look of realization that passed on the guy's faces. Shrugging, they just decided to continue with their date. By the end of the night, the guys found out that the girls liked those sizes in more things than just their sandwiches.

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 **A/N:** Please review. Reviews are the lifeline of a writer.


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